FragileHands

My brain is currently pretty scrambled. Last night I had a weird dream. I was on a road trip with Ben, Sarah, and Ellen. We had stopped to eat at some random diner and our waiter had super powers or something. He kept showing us weird tricks like disappearing and reappearing and that kind of thing. He also was cool with us taking extra things from the restaurant...as in extra pop, silverware w/e. Then he charged us like 25% of the real price of the meal. As we were leaving everyone was in the car except for Ben and then the waiter opened the restaurant door and pointed a gun at me (driver's seat). Ben then yelled that we werent allowed to leave. Then I woke up. I think this was showing me some insight into how I can't do things alone, but I'm trying to. I think that the waiter was supposed to be Satan and obviously the encouragement to steal from the restaurant parallels him tempting me. The end I think represents how I (we) am not capable of leaving that sin on my own. I can't just walk away from it when I want. It's apart of my nature. Just some thoughts on my dream.

I was also thinking a lot about salvation. Sometimes I wonder if I have it. Maybe that's ridiculous, maybe it isn't. Is it limited to the acceptance of Christ into your heart, or is it more? I don't know the answer. It seems like it shouldn't be enough to just accept Him because that doesn't really have a bearing on how you live your life. But if being saved has to do with pursuit then I don't know if it's possible. I mean even when I'm putting everything I have into that pursuit, which is admittedly pretty rare, I am not perfect in that pursuit. That would mean either a: I need to be perfect in that pursuit, or b: there is some sort of acceptable level of pursuit, or c: as long as you're trying you're hardest you're fine. C seems like the most likely so I'll settle on that.

The other thing I was thinking about is what it means to follow Christ in the first place. Is it just trying to live like Him? If that's what it is then were just supposed to live by the morals set forth in the new testament. I guess I'm ok with that. I don't know what I'm getting at. I guess just sometimes I wonder what is right and what isn't. My brain feels fried cause I spend too much time thinking. Everyone has their own agenda, so it's not really something you can talk to people about. Everyone seems to want their beliefs validated by having more people believe the same thing. That's sad to me.

It's also come to my attention (again) how intolerant people are. Especially people that value being so holy and Christian. What kind of church teaches radical elitism to its members to the point that everyone else is wrong and going to hell? I'm no Bible scholar, but in all that I've read, I've never pictured Jesus as someone who encouraged people to judge. What a horrible picture of "love." It's self serving and self validating. You have to be pretty insecure in what you believe to condemn everyone else for no other reason than that they disagree....or even just do things differently. Just some thoughts.

I'm going to read the Catechism to gain a better understanding of the Catholic faith.

I don't know what else to say. I need to eat dinner.

Peace.

Adam